Transformed- Relational Health

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
1 Peter 4:8

This past Sunday, we learned that fear cripples relationships.

Many times, we stop short of the relationships we were destined to have because we are afraid that people will find out what we’re “really like” and reject us.

And when that fear actually comes to pass, our mindset is reinforced and the behavior continues.

I spent my entire childhood, teen years and a portion of adulthood living with the fear of exposure. I was always afraid that if my friends and loved ones knew what I was really thinking, how I really felt about situations and ideas, and what I was really like, the relationships would end.

Several decades ago, my love for the Lord had grown cold and I made choices apart from the faith in which I had been raised. I lived in rebellion and disobedience.  During that five year stretch, I had a group of friends whom I loved dearly. They loved me as well.

However, I always kept certain aspects of my heart secret from them. In spite of my rebellion, there were concepts and ideals held over from my Christian upbringing that were greatly divergent from those of my friends. I didn’t want them to know what I really felt about certain topics because I was afraid I’d lose their friendship.

Then, through a series of supernatural events, God rescued me from myself. I gave my life over completely to Him. And I told my friends all about this.

The conversation did not go well, to say the least.

It exploded into every tangent you could imagine. Eventually, all those ideals and concepts I’d been keeping secret in an effort to preserve my friendships were laid bare.

My worst fear was actualized. The relationships ended in a very ugly and painful way, and the concern, “If I’m real with the people I love, I’ll eventually be exposed for who I really am. They won’t like that person. And they’ll leave,” became legitimized.

It took years of God’s perfect love, and the love of some really beautiful people who selflessly pursued relationships with me to finally eradicate my fears.  

Eventually, those people got to know the real me, including the ugliest parts of the real me. And they still loved me. Surprisingly enough, they seemed to love me even more because I showed them the ugly parts! The depth of these relationships has shown me a tangible dynamic of God’s love for me that I am reminded of time and time again through the last lines of the old Chris Tomlin song Indescribable:

You see the depths of my heart and you love me the same
You are amazing God..

Of course, I’m a work in progress, as are we all. I am learning that there may still be those that reject us because they don’t like who we are. However, there are many, many more, including our Savior, who will love us more deeply simply because of who we are. For that I am so thankful!

Let’s continue to be transformed in our relationships this week as we walk this out together.

Written by: Jaime Hlavin

Edited by: Tamara Sturdivant