Proverbs- Part 6

On “Killing Them With Kindness”: Thou Shalt Not Murder

I don’t understand grace. I really, really don’t. I could read every book Max Lucado has ever written and I still don’t think I’d ever fully comprehend it. This is in part because I am a naturally vindictive person, if you hurt me or the ones I love, or even a stranger badly enough, my natural desire is to see you get what (I feel) you deserve. Because I am on this journey, however, to try and be a supernaturally renewed servant of Christ, grace is something I am constantly trying to practice. Even though I don’t understand it all the time. Though I am of course oh so humble in Christ Jesus…I honestly believed that I must be a great person, being understanding and not shouting in situations where I’ve seen the rest of the world lose their minds. And sure, showing grace is a good thing. But what I lacked, and still lack some days, is a gracious heart.

When grace has been difficult to give in my life, I instead give guilt dressed up as kindness. When I practice being kind and humble to those who wrong me, I try and drown them in it, all the while thinking, “I hope you feel awful. I hope it makes you sick to have done so much wrong to someone who is still so good to you.”  So this past Sunday, when Pastor Aaron mentioned "heaping hot coals onto their heads," I couldn’t help but feel justified. But as Pastor Aaron continued to speak to the congregation, and God continued to speak to me, I was reminded of every time I have ever needed grace and received it—without hesitation or spite—from God and others. How every wrong I have committed that was met with mercy and kindness moved me to my core, and almost always inspired a very real transformation within my own spirit. Because I was not made a victim of someone else’s vindictiveness, God was able to be the one to deal with me, reshape my attitude and actions, and set me free. Why then, should I seek in my own heart to make someone else captive to my own bitterness under the guise of "grace," instead of allowing them to experience that same freedom that could impact them much more than my guilt trips or passiveness ever could?

Before God ever asked for our actions, or our "help", He asked for our hearts. We cannot truly practice forgiveness, love, patience, grace, or any of these fruitful things if the tree they come from is rotten (Luke 6:43-45). Therefore, we must be careful of our intentions and our hearts as much as we are our actions.

This week, I challenge you (and myself) to be observant of our own attitudes as we try and extend grace to those who we don’t feel deserve it, and allow God to use it for their growth, instead of trying to “kill” them with our kindness.

Written by: Brianna Vanderveen

Edited by: Brigit Edwards